NIGERIA AT 58 - I QUIT

I QUIT

I have always been different from the others. Quite larger in size frankly and couldn't be part of the 'one size fits all' party. So they named me many names and taught me to call myself same names I detested.

They think I cannot hear their whispering. They think I don't hear how they laugh when my back is turned. My siblings adorn me with titles they believe I need for my self esteem but when I look in their eyes, I see the same judgement like these strangers on the streets - so I quit!

As the strong smell of sea water serenaded my senses while I stood at the edge of the bridge, a firm hand grabbed me before I let go; his husky voice floated across the wind like music to my ears,

"You still have one fight left in you. Don't go down without giving it your all."

While I wondered how he understood my struggles, his words sank deep and I realized that, that was all I needed to hear all the while as memories came flooding my eyes with tears. As he helped me back to the other side, I rubbed my skin and felt the scars that reminded me of how I came to be - my independence and then becoming a republic - and the many sacrifices in between.
"Who are you?" I muttered under my breath,
"A firm believer in you and your capabilities, my darling."
"Me and my capabilities?" I laughed painfully, "You have no idea" I muttered,
"Your strength lays untapped within while you focus on frivolous outward distractions. Look within and invest in your young potentials."

He was right. I had focused so much on what they said about me, what they felt I was or their predictions for my destiny and had forgotten to nourish my inner self. 

Every cell in me matters. Every breath I took matters. Every part of me matters and I will start investing in the whole of me.
"You have one more fight in you, will you fight?" his once soft voice bellowed amidst a question and an order, I trembled but nodded in affirmation.
"I have one more fight in me, I will fight! " he made me repeat till I believed it. Then I woke up.
"A real dream." I sighed.

Sandra T. Adeyeye

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